The Money Talk Every Couple Needs to Have—Before Saying “I Do”

Money can be one of the most emotionally charged—and easily avoided—topics in a relationship. But as award-winning divorce attorney Renee Bauer knows all too well, avoiding financial conversations before marriage is one of the biggest mistakes couples make. In this candid interview, Renee shares her insights on everything from prenups to power dynamics, and why women especially should feel financially empowered from day one. Whether you’re merging bank accounts, navigating income imbalance, or entering marriage later in life, Renee makes one thing clear: financial transparency isn’t just smart—it’s a form of love and respect. Here’s how to have the hard talks now, so you don’t end up in her office later.

What’s the biggest financial mistake couples make when merging their lives?

Failing to have open and honest conversations about money is setting the couple up for failure. Is someone a spender and the other a saver? Knowing this can help create guidelines to deter resentment later on. Imagine how the saver will feel when they watch discretionary money being spent while retirement isn’t growing at the same speed. Imagine if the spender thinks that they don’t do anything fun because the other person is playing it safe. If they understand each other, a compromise can be reached that meets the financial needs of both parties. Often, someone’s money story roots back to their childhood. The saver might be that way because they watched their parents struggle, and they live in fear of running out of money. Understanding the motivation behind the relationship with money can help those conversations.

How can women enter a marriage feeling empowered around money—not intimidated?

Couples are getting married later, and by the time they walk down the aisle, most women have already been handling their own money. It shouldn’t change going into marriage. It’s common for one person to default to the one who pays the bills, but it’s so important that even if this happens, both spouses know what is coming in and going out. If a woman hasn’t had to handle her finances when she gets married, now is a good time to get started. I think every couple should maintain some level of financial autonomy. Have the joint account, but also have separate accounts so you each have access to money without needing “permission” to access it. As a divorce attorney, I see too many women make decisions about their marriage based on fear around money. I want someone to be able to make that decision based on the health of their relationship, not because of their bank account.

What’s your take on prenups? How can they be approached without stigma?

Whether you need a prenuptial agreement or not depends on your specific situation. If it’s a second or third marriage, then I would absolutely suggest you get one to protect your premarital assets and even your children’s inheritance. If you are starting out and neither party has much, then it’s less critical. The prenup conversation can be uncomfortable, but marriage is filled with having tough talks. Avoiding the hard conversation isn’t a reason not to have it. Do it now to reduce conflict later.

How should couples navigate financial imbalance?

Financial imbalance is common in marriage. Whether it creates a problem or not has to do with everyone’s attitudes around it. I’ve seen one spouse throw comments around like “It’s my money”. That suggests the person feels that the other person doesn’t deserve anything from their hard-earned salary. However, recognizing that when one person is the higher earner, it often means the other is contributing in non-monetary ways, such as doing more of the housework or childcare, then it evens the playing field. It’s essential that the lower earner actively stay engaged in the finances so they know what’s there. I hear it all the time when a spouse says they have no idea what the finances look like because their spouse handled everything. It’s your responsibility to make sure that doesn’t happen.

If someone is marrying later in life or already owns assets, what should they protect or plan for?

This is where a prenup comes in, laying out everything they have as of the date of their marriage, so if the marriage doesn’t work, they can walk away with at least what they came in with. Additionally, if they have children from a previous relationship, they will likely want to protect their children’s inheritance.

The recurring theme here is that communication is key. Talk about money before it becomes a problem. Don’t sweep those hard conversations under the rug. They don’t go away. They fester until they turn into something much worse, often a consultation with someone like me.

Renee Bauer is the Founder of Happy Even After Family Law, a Connecticut divorce and family law firm. She is the author of She Who Wins, a Reader’s Choice Award winner. She is also the creator of the Parent Co-Pilots, a co-parenting app that is set to launch in June, 2025.